What do you want? I mean, what do you REALLY want? The difference I make between wanting something and REALLY wanting something is like when you would like to lose weight but you would also like to eat a bag of tortilla chips when you get home from work...which also happens to be about thirty minutes before dinner...and eating the chips is what you end up doing. Believe me: I know of what I speak! (*On a side note: doesn't it seem like bags of tortilla chips are smaller these days and easier to consume a full bag in one, half-hour sitting while mindlessly watching CNN's Newsroom?)
Thinking about what I really want made me think about Donald Miller's book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Frankly, part of what makes the book so powerful is that by uncovering some of his own weaknesses and shortcomings, Miller turns the lights on some of the excuses we have been feeding ourselves...perhaps for years.
One of the great stories Miller tells is found in Chapter 18: "An Inciting Incident". (*If you're reading a Kindle, go to 1262-69.) An "inciting incident" is something that disrupts our comfort and stability and forces us to change. Miller writes, "Nobody wakes up and starts chasing a bad guy or dismantling a bomb unless something forces them to do so...Humans are designed to seek comfort and order, and so if they have comfort and order, they tend to plant themselves, even if their comfort isn't all that comfortable. And even if they secretly want for something better." (1185-92.) (*For more on this, read Chapter 17: "How to Make Yourself Write a Better Story", 1149-55.)
So, getting back to Miller's great story...he is tired of living a boring life. He enjoys watching the Tour de France on TV, but doesn't even own a bike. He wants to re-connect with his Dad whom he hasn't seen or heard from since his parents divorced when he was a little boy, but he is afraid to call him. And he's tired of being single and would like to date someone special, maybe even get married.
I'd like to write a bit about this last desire of his. (*BTW, he ends up getting a bike, and, he does re-connect with his Dad.)
There happens to be a woman he is interested in that is a friend of a friend. But, he is afraid. He has no idea if she likes him and she hasn't been giving him any encouraging signals. What if she says "no"? Should he play it safe and avoid the potential rejection, or should he face his fears and go after what he really wants?
Well, he finds a way to ask her out indirectly by sharing with his group of friends that he is thinking of traveling to Peru to hike the Inca Trail. He asks the group if anyone else would like to join him. Guess who had always wanted to do that hike? You guessed it, the girl he wanted to date.
Miller had no idea of the kind of physical demands such a hike would entail. After he commits to going on the hike and recruiting the girl he wants to date, as well as one of her friends, he decides it might be a good idea to find out a little more information on what he was getting himself into. So he does a google search of "Inca Trail" and "excruciating" and reads "about fifty personal accounts of self-inflicted Peruvian torture. I actually read warnings from people saying stay away, that even if you are a runner, the trail is extremely difficult." (1290-98).He barely exercises, never hikes, is overweight, and is physically incapable of completing such a demanding hike. But there is no turning back. He is committed. The girl he wanted to date had said "yes". Miller has created an "inciting incident" for himself. He is going to have to move outside his comfort zone, sign-up for a gym, and get in shape...or he is gonna die on the Inca Trail!
Most of us will avoid at all costs putting ourselves in the "Inca Trail Position." I think the majority of us are more like Frodo from "The Lord of the Rings".
Trouble has to come and find us in the Shire and a burden has to be placed upon us before we will accept the challenge.
Having said that, a safe and comfortable life - one in which we pretty much control everything that happens to us and everyone we interact with - can never be more than safe and comfortable. And so a sense of unease begins to grow in us. There are all sorts of unhelpful ways to deal with the unease which I will leave to your imagination or to your next magazine walkthru at the checkout line.
But I want to talk about helpful ways...things we dream of doing and the people we long to be. Maybe a boring life is enough of an "inciting incident" for you and me to begin to make changes both small and great.
Maybe the time has come for you to say "no" to the tortilla chips and "yes" to losing 25 pounds? (*We often tell ourselves we only need to lose 10...) Why wait for an "inciting incident" where our doctor tells us to lose the weight or die of a heart attack?
Maybe it is time to sign-up for a 5K race in October that will obligate you to start walking today, jog/walking next week, being able to jog a mile by August 15th, two miles by September 15th, and three-plus miles by race day! (*Signing-up for a triathlon got me to find a pool and start swimming pretty quickly! I began by swimming four laps. Then eight. Then twenty. Now I just swim for thirty or forty-five minutes.)
Given the high percentage of disengaged employees (*some put the figure at close to 80%), I wonder how many of us need to start setting aside time to discover the unique way that God has made us in order to find a job or career that we can both excel at and actually enjoy?
Make no mistake, all of these changes require effort. It is not easy. Miller writes, "Here's the truth about telling stories with your life. It's going to sound like a great idea, and you are going to get excited about it, and then when it comes time to do the work, you're not going to want to do it. It's like that with writing books, and it's like that with life. People love to have lived a great story, but few people like the work it takes to make it happen. But joy costs pain." (1177-85.)
This is the sort of work I love to do with the clients that I coach. If you're ready to start taking some action steps toward what is really important to you, I would love to work with you! Feel free to contact me at randy@randychasecoaching.com, or go to www.randychasecoaching.com.
The work is worth it. The joy is real. Stop settling for less. Life's too short. Take the time to discover what you really want...and then go for it!
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